Dear White Adopters who seek to delegitimize my voice as hateful spewing:
In case you forgot, I am an adult Adoptee who was once an adopted child who may not be any different from your daughters whom you love. This is our truth that we are inviting you to hear. As a target of this system of domination, I do not have the privilege to ignore you. Though you can easily dismiss, distort, and even adopt me.
I must beg this question: If you cannot hear me now, how could you parent me then?
Dear victim of reverse racism:
My first name is 똘똘이 (Smarty). I was born at 8 AM in Seoul, South Korea to my married Korean parents. I am now living in Korea and working alongside Adoptees and single mothers who are resisting a system of power that devastates first families and coerces parents into relinquishing their children. I was not an orphan until the system made me an orphan. When I write from this trauma, I am revealing our collective adoption community wounds.
Additionally, let me remind the haters that there is nothing you can do to me that you have not already done. You have taken my identity, my family, my home, and my culture of origin. You have subjected me to abuse and neglect, isolation, and the threat of violence and institutionalization as a pathological queer woman of color. You have taught me to see myself as fat, ugly, and stupid every time I look to see myself in the White adoptive family and community that was forced upon me. You did all of this to me before I learned your words, and before I knew my strength to resist this assault.
Do you still want to pick a fight with this community of grown Adoptees who started fighting these systems of domination as children and now are organizing globally to resist generations of violence?
I dare you. Bring us your ignorance, fears, and anger so that we can all blow up this love story into an issue that demands the attention of every person who believes in the sanctity of family in order to sustain our precious world.
And dare I threaten: The more children you adopt, the more adults we will have for our resistance movement. We know where you live. We are your family.
As usual you have spoken in a way that brings tears to my eyes, you speak truths and when you do that people will tear you down. Don't let them break your spirit.
ReplyDeleteI'm bummed that people couldn't get past your Smarty-pants acronym and hear what you are really trying to say. Folks see themselves being called an ASS and shut down. I wish I could just say rename it SAS and they'll calm down and listen, but that probably wont happen either. Privilege is the hardest thing to admit to having; especially when you *think* you're sharing that privilege with others that you care for.
ReplyDeleteI hope people reading your blogs, especially parents who have adopted, take it all in and overcome that initial defensiveness to learn how they can be the best possible parents. I don't think your blog says that there's no such thing as a good interracial family--your blog just says it will be hard and will take intentionality to get there, and encourages parents to take those steps towards it.
It's so painful to know that the parents of Korean Adoptees are so consistently unwilling to acknowledge their place in the system of oppression. It's painful because it means that they are not (and could not have been) advocates and allies to their children. There is so much hate to combat in this world, and the only way to do it is with open eyes that are willing to look around and within oneself. To deny that to your child (who you feel you took out of a more dangerous situation) is to place them into a world of other dangers--both physical and emotional.
ReplyDeleteTo the parents of International Adoptees--don't "save" a child on your own terms. Provide a family that considers the needs of your child--love, emotional nurturing, advocacy, and the space to be who they are. Why would you want anything less for your child?
Thank you for sharing your writings on this blog! White people often turn vitriolic when called on their race privilege :) but you probably weren't writing for them anyway?
ReplyDeleteHello, will you write a book about ASS? I think it would be great.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent of 2 adopted children, it's better that I hear all of this now so I can be true to their voices. Thank you for sharing how you feel. it is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI am an adoptive parent and I truly appreciate your voice. I am so sorry for any pain you have or will endure. Your words are very much appreciated.
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