A.S.S. is a highly contagious and devastating disease that is estimated to be found in millions of White adoptive parents and White adoptive prospective parents around the constructed Western world. Adopter Savior Syndrome is not yet fully understood, though it is speculated to be a White disease that is particularly pervasive among desperate wives and cisgender men with Yellow Fever. Current trends suggest that heteronormative queer families may experience a severe A.S.S. outbreak unless these communities check themselves against such racist and classist interpretations of human rights.
Ask your adult Adoptee about A.S.S. if you experience the urgent and persistent need to adopt in order to become a complete person.
If you are a White adoptive parent who has engaged in the transnational adoption process in order to adopt an ethnic baby, you may suffer from a severe case of A.S.S.
Symptoms of Adopter Savior Syndrome include:
- White Jesus told you to adopt.
- You believe you saved an orphan.
- You feel paranoid about reverse racism.
- You have served as an expert on Adoptee issues.
- You experience shock when adult Adoptees notice race.
- You feel entitled to the Adoptee's love, affection, and gratitude.
- You feel confused when people of color accuse you of being racist.
- You have delusions of grandeur that you are the best parents for the Adoptee.
- You hallucinate consent when touching your adopted child in vulnerable moments.
- You feel threatened when the Adoptee asks questions about their family and culture of origin.
Unfortunately, there this no cure for a bad case of A.S.S. at this time. Therefore, preventive measures are the most effective strategies in combating Adopter Savior Syndrome.
You may be particularly susceptible to A.S.S. if you are White and exhibit one or more of the following risk factors.
- You are married.
- You are colorblind.
- You believe in White Jesus.
- You believe that people are people.*
- You fantasize about intimate relationships with people of color.
- You are desperate for love because of daddy issues and mean girls.
- Critical thinking scares you because you were taught to be positive.
- You seek to own that which you desire, including children that already have families.
- You envy communities of color and poor communities for their authentic and exotic culture.
- You love ethnic food, hip hop music, and oriental decorations BUT people of color scare you.
If left untreated in White adoptive parents, Adopter Savior Syndrome may lead to the perpetration of abuse and neglect against the adopted person of color, in addition to collusion with a system of global White supremacy that is destroying us all.
Too many children and adult Adoptees are victims of White adoptive parents suffering with Adopter Savior Syndrome. If you are struggling with an irritating and relentless case of A.S.S., please contact your local adult Adoptee organization.
Hi, love this post (and your whole blog). Is it okay if I share this and link to your blog?
ReplyDeleteOMG. This is abso-fricking-lutely amazing! Brava!
ReplyDeletePlease share! Thanks for getting the word out about A.S.S.
ReplyDeleteSome people enjoy having a miserable outlook and a victim mentality. That is the "syndrome" I diagnose you with. You get what you put out in the world. Karma baby. You are looking for the evil, girl. It's you who is the A.S.S. Love, an adoptive mother of a Korean daughter
ReplyDeleteThe truth hurts! But in the end, it's better to face it than to make ourselves feel better by our self-serving actions.
DeleteWhile the original anonymous post was harsh & I don't believe you deserve bad things, there is a fine line between reveling in the victim mentality & looking for the bad in things versus finding a universal truth that is simple & demonizing in something much more complex than you're finding it to be.
DeleteDear Anonymous. Your defensiveness reveals exactly what the problem is here. As a white person myself, I have prioritized the need to listen to people of color and their arguments over my pride as well as over my interpretation of what I think might be best for the world. Lorijane has really great ideas here. You may want to consider them and figure out how to be the best parent to your Korean daughter so she is not caused the anguish and heartbreak so many other adoptees have been forced to face including racism, otherizing, bullying, and abuse. This is an opportunity to grow, take seriously what is being said, and try to understand. You are not the expert on Korean adoption just because you are an adoptive mother. There are Korean adoptees that have a lot to offer you that would greatly benefit your daughter. (This is not to say it is your right to go around asking questions, just that you should self educate and take seriously what is offered to you.) The very fact that you dismiss lorijane so quickly is the very problem she is pointing out. Instead of hearing her concerns and thinking about how they may play out in the life of your daughter, you become quickly dismissive and write about karma (which is actually an incorrect definition of karma). Speaking of karma and getting what you "put out" at the end of the day, lorijane IS dealing with her situation and "putting out" a response to her situation: she was the one subjected to adoption without her consent and now she must be heard and all of us, including mothers of Korean adoptees, must listen.
DeleteDear Anon
DeleteI can understand why you don't post with a login so when you share such an offensive response (and effectively end the dialog because no one can reach out for more communication)... after all, should your own child seek virtual solidarity in confronting issues including racism and sexism or opportunities to learn about the Korean adoptive system... you wouldn't want to reveal yourselve to your child because you come across as A.S.S.
Also, couldn't agree more with the reply immediately preceeding mine ^ AnonymousJanuary 24, 2013 at 8:52 AM.
This Coloring Out Lori Jane post is an honest, clever and even humorous opportunity for educating ourselves. Thank you for sharing your words and ideas.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deleteto the "Anonymous" who wrote: "Some people enjoy having a miserable outlook and a victim mentality. That is the "syndrome" I diagnose you with. You get what you put out in the world. Karma baby. You are looking for the evil, girl. It's you who is the A.S.S. Love, an adoptive mother of a Korean daughter"
Deletemy reply was too long to send it as a "comment" please take the time to read my response in my blog below:
http://k-10094.blogspot.kr/2013/01/in-response-to-anonymous-adoptive.html
Dear Anonymous:
DeleteThis brave woman is my cousin through her adoption. I am one of the few family members with whom she still has contact. The reality here is that you don't know her life or her experiences and how they might differ from that of your daughter and you. Take the time to read the post on the blog of the poster above me. As another adoptee they know FAR more about the experience and the political reasons behind it than you or I ever could. USE the feelings and experiences that these adoptees are sharing to help provide a better experience for your daughter. I am privileged to know many adoptees from countries outside the US...unfortunately a number of them have had experiences similar to the ones shared here. Do what YOU can as an adoptive parent to break that cycle.
White Jesus forbid you should shut your big fat self-superior mouth and just listen for a change, huh?
DeleteThere are too many A.S.S.es in this country. I am the victim of a White supremacy family. White Jesus and especially the White adoptive parent Ignorance...Saying common stereo-type
Deletephrases when asked about my heritage,
she says things like:All bio mothers are liars, Can't be trusted.All bio mothers are sluts, and We white adoptive parents are cleaning up their messes of Illegitimate children. She claims god has called on her to serve God by adopting these
children so they can be servants of white Jesus, and become legitimate.
To the mother of the adopted Korean child: "FUCK YOU!" :) Take that you little shithead. Sorry, but people who are so ignorant and who buys another mother's child because she can't produce her own or has A.S.S. disease makes me vomit. I am an adoptee survivor who was owned by one of those A.S.S. adopters. Have a fucking great day!
ReplyDeletethanks for saying this.. people think if they are removed from the abuses of adoption even if it is in their unicorn world delusions that these situations don't exist. hang in there
DeleteI'm not involved in the adoption "constellation" at all, but I've read about this issue and people's experiences and bring it up with friends. I really don't think that my privilege erases my responsibility; instead it underlines it. It's sometimes hard for me to figure out how to stand with adoptees, and it's an topic that can bring up a lot of defensiveness even with other people who are virtually uninvolved.
DeleteI think this is a strong and pointed piece to highlight some of the systems of belief/oppression that drive unethical adoptions and entitled parenting. I see a lot of this blind entitlement in many adoptive parents' blogs. But, as a bit of hope, I also have read blogs of people (mostly adoptive parents) who started out having A.S.S. and now work to prevent its spread. They put their child's emotional needs before their own (and certainly don't expect their child to be serving their emotional needs), challenge their previous assumptions, read about the experiences of adoptees without judgment, and are humble and self-reflective and willing to admit fallibility and mistakes. But change only happens because you (and others) write about WHY it's needed and who gets hurt and how these systems work together to oppress people and point out how damaging and wrong it is.
Thank you for your writing and your voice.
Anonymous People are pathetic, If you have the will to write your opinion,
DeleteShow that you also have a spine and sign your name...
To the Anonymous January 24, 2013 at 4:07 AM- who wrote-
ReplyDelete"Some people enjoy having a miserable outlook and a victim mentality. That is the "syndrome" I diagnose you with. You get what you put out in the world. Karma baby. You are looking for the evil, girl. It's you who is the A.S.S. Love, an adoptive mother of a Korean daughter"
Describing this blogger and her writings as 'evil' and wishing evil in return on her, and signing off with 'Love' is about as twisted, hypocritical, retaliatory and bipolar as APs come. You have just exposed a sampling of how neurotic the stereotypical AP raising an adopted child is. It's no wonder so many adoptees grow up with crippling emotional issues. You have proven once again how disturbed the AP community is. Frightening.
Why are Anonymous Adoptive mothers trolling ADOPTEE pages, and Anonymously writing pathetic, predictable and ignorant reactions
Deleteto real, valid, physical and emotional damage perpetuated by Anonymous and other people just like her.These A.S.S.'s keep the cycle of abuse going.
Wow. Seriously twisted comment from the sour out-of-mind mom above. I also think that the anonymous adoptive mother here may just be a terrible person. And seriously, karma? To develop positive karma requires critical thinking skills, deep empathy, not patronizing, ignorant and cruel words/thoughts. If anyone is developing good karma, its Laura. She has been an amazing role model to have in my life and she inspires me everyday because she is intelligent, strong, hilarious and a healer. Rock on Laura!
ReplyDeleteLaura:
ReplyDeleteOnce again you are amazing. I am so glad that you are a part of my life and a part of my family. Keep on writing. Keep on growing. Keep on healing.
Love to you my dear cousin.
LORIJANE((((((HUGS)))))
ReplyDelete47 years ago I was in labour right now, on this very day I was incarcerated in a Unmarried M&BHome,under a penal servitude regime, for 1year, as my son was dual race.I echo everything LORIJANE has said..I call it the HALO syndrome, it's so in vogue to adopt dual race babies,and those that do, get the highest accolade from society I fought hard to keep my baby...but the "SAVIOURS CAME" and took my beautiful 9months old baby from my arms. I was left so badly wounded psychologically I never recovered,,,46yearsof medical records prove that..I WAS THE ONLY MOTHER AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONLY MOTHER FOR MY BABY...society deemed me sexually deviant feebleminded and unfit to parent,all because I FELL IN LOVE...UNLEES OUR STOLEN SONS AND DAUGHTERS AND MOTHERS/FATHERS OF LOSS TO ADOPTION AMALGAMATE AND STAND UNITED IN THE WORLD TO ABOLISH ADOPTION...We will have to endeure the absolute gullet-gutter, that comes from COWARD ADOPTERS LIKE ANONYMOUS.
people have no idea the amount of theft in adoption your story sounds a bit similar to mine hang in there
DeleteI, Anonymous #3 from 1/24 at 8:51am, read kIM's blog response, however, I find kIM's blog much less polarizing and disrespectful than lorijane's. While it seems lorijane is & has the right to have anger and all the feelings she has, to demonize those who want to adopt is akin to the wrongful familiarity the original anonymous poster assumed she knew about lorijane's experience or that of the experiences of all adoptees with stories like lorijane's.
ReplyDeleteMaybe original anonymous IS scared of what will happen, maybe there ARE fears she has like kIM says, but that doesn't mean that the way lorijane expressed herself wasn't tainted and just as negatively generalizing. Any generalization, while humans do tend to generalize anyway, are harmful. But we do it. We're human. All of us. I guess my main reason for responding is because so many are damning what original anonymous felt & praise, without fault, what lorijane is saying and feeling. I want to know that all who agree with lorijane also know that the way the feelings and facts are spoken are hateful, spiteful and harmful even though there is truth sprinkled in there that should impact adoptive procedures and those who are looking to adopt. While the hate can be written off as a product of lorijane's experiences and the fact that some people who adopt do it for the wrong reason and the adoption procedures from the country can be corrupt, I don't believe people and their reasons for adopting are originally intended to hurt or violate the adoptee. Intention & ignorance, while equally harmful, are different in that the ignorant need to be taught & those intending harm need to learn justice.
I'm proud of lorijane's passion, but rather than alienate whites and their white jesus with sarcasm and hate, isn't there a way to speak to those who are misinformed or suffering from A.S.S. in a more humanizing way?
Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe this is just a blog to vent frustrations, but there is too much passion, intelligence, heart, and hope in these blogs and its followers to only be a means for spitefully venting. I hope that this passion & hope (& anger) can be a means to more productively address all people in a way that can bring forth healing & better processes and education so that adoption can be better for everyone, especially the adoptees.
"Maybe this is just a blog to vent frustrations, but there is too much passion, intelligence, heart, and hope in these blogs and its followers to only be a means for spitefully venting. I hope that this passion & hope (& anger) can be a means to more productively address all people in a way that can bring forth healing & better processes and education so that adoption can be better for everyone, especially the adoptees."
DeleteThis reminds me of women being told to not be so "shrill" when fighting for their rights at various points in history.
I think there are times when the entire boat needs to be rocked in order to get something to happen. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said of the Civil Rights Movement: "I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling Block in this stride towards freedom is not the white citizen's counciler or the Ku Klux Klan but the white moderate, who is more devoted to 'order' than justice."
I think many adoptees are reaching the 'regrettable' conclusion that those who want them to soften their voices simply want the status quo of adoption to continue.
Not everyone thinks that a "kinder, gentler" adoption is possible. Some see adoption itself as the problem. I think these voices need to be part of the conversation.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this!! I'm mentioning it in a post I'm working on now (and linking it back to you, of course). Well done!
ReplyDeleteTruth hurts. And heals. : )
ReplyDeleteI just want to send support to you, Laura. It's disheartening to see such vitriol in regards to you sharing the experiences you've had. I appreciate that you are sharing your past experiences and current journey with others. It is hard to be so vulnerable, and yet you continue to be just that for the sake of helping others to learn the harm that comes when racism, patriarchy, sexism, and capitalism go unchecked and are allowed to flourish.
ReplyDeleteTo Anonymous--you obviously had a strong reaction to this. Think about this, though--you felt attacked in the five minutes you read this. How would it feel to be under attack your entire life? How would it feel to have society validate those attacks as virtuous and even LOVING? Racism is alive and well, and just because it hides within adoption (which is believed to be inherently good) does not make it any less racist.
Adoption itself isn't evil, and I don't think this posting labels it as such. The way that international adoption of children of color by white folks has played out has not been carried out in a just or loving manner. We have to admit that there are deep problems, and only then can we begin to address them.
Again, much love and support to you, Laura.
"under attack your entire life" people have no idea that their selfish self-justification of labeling a natural mom bad so they can calm their desire to posess someone else's baby has caused great evil. sorry but i do feel the vast majority of adoption is evil. Certainly raising a child with no living relatives is heroic. the tons of money that could have been spent so the child had living relatives. But the amount of coersion in adoption is not understood.
DeleteWell done. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.....you accuse a large group of people with being confused, entitled, paranoid, desperate, racist, etc. You insult their religion. You do all of this with a sarcastic and belittling tone. Almost laughing in their faces. You even name it A.S.S. You accuse "millions" of having this problem. Then you are shocked when it upsets some people? Shall we do this to you? How about we switch the topic to lesbians? How would you feel if we made up a syndrome for that? Have a heart for others. Until you do, you will continue to be miserable. I think that's what the first poster meant when she mentioned karma.
ReplyDeletesorry causing emotional harm to procure someone else's child is not the same as being a lesbian. if a lesbian is making rules to force others, then it is the same. your analogy doesn't hold water. time for you to do some self searching
DeleteTo the amom, being a amom does not automatically make you aware of the feelings of an adoptee. Adoptees who have actually experienced the feelings of being adoopted, are trying to educate you. I can understand why seeing it in print, in black and white, must hurt since you have only considered adoption one way, the way you WANT it to be. It seems from you post that you have no desire to understand or learn. You only want to see it through your rainbow glasses. If you could step back and try, for Gods sake, try to see that maybe, just maybe, adoptees feel differently than you WANT them to feel...then you may be able to help your child. With the attitude you have now your child will NOT come to you with any of these feelings. And NOT talking about it does NOT mean that she doesn't feel exactly what has been described.
ReplyDeleteThere's an epidemic of ASS among Reece's Rainbow families -- this adoption "ministry" is almost exclusively dedicated to ASS. Go check out:
ReplyDeleteCovenantbuilders.blogspot.com
Nachalaadopt2.blogspot.com
Journeytoreunitetwoangels.blogspot.com
To "Anonymous" and all of her supporters: Even if you feel that adoption is just and good, and sometimes it is, it doesn't change how we adoptees feel about being separated from our birth families and growing up in primarily white (if not ALL white--I was the only minority in my COUNTY growing up) environments. There, I was bullied and subject to racism, even by my teachers. As I grew older, I became depressed and hated myself. Do you know what MY white adoptive parents did? Nothing. Well, they prayed to their white Jesus, prayed that I would become less sad and angry and learn to deal with it! My mother told me this! My parents (and the rest of their church community) told me that, despite being bullied for 10 continuous years and sometimes feeling like I wanted to die (which was sinful) it was all part of God's plan and I should take heart in the fact that my parents "saved" me from a life that would have only been harder back in Korea. So, Anonymous, can you really sit there, hiding behind the Internet, and tell me that A.S.S. doesn't exist? That I should just go back to feeling thankful for my life and thankful for my white parents and all they did for me? Well, you know what I AM thankful for? I'm thankful that your Korean child clearly hasn't ever been teased once, or hasn't ever or will never feel anything toward you except for unconditional love and gratitude.
ReplyDeleteSo I enjoyed this entire blog post and thought I would share the two "Aaaaawww yeah, girl!" moments I had while reading.
ReplyDeleteAYG moment #1: "You feel paranoid about reverse racism." Dang! Preach it! People need to hear that. Which leads to another favorite point...
AYG moment #2: "Critical thinking scares you because you were taught to be positive." I loved this. We shut ourselves down when critic thinking leads us to fear of revealing something unpleseant to think about it. Again, preach it!
Thanks for writing this post.
Sincerely,
Friend-of-Katie-Gagel-and-follower-of-your-blog,
Savannah
A Bad Case Of ASS. *slow clap*
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me want to jump up on my desk and dance the fucking watusi.
I love your voice.
Another BIG risk factor:
ReplyDeleteYou want to adopt transnationally and transracially to show the world how hip and liberal you are, but you are concerned if you and your adopted child are seen together without your white spouse, someone might think the child was yours, which would mean you slept with a person of color. So you always announce: This is my adopted son. Or, this is my daughter, she's from Uganada.
I have actrually heard this discussed among ASSES at ASSwipe conferences!!!
Excellent moms that are told their baby will have such wonderful care and a better world have no idea the counselor is only talking about how much they love their paycheck. if you listen in on the blogs and radio shows of adoption a few years in and the ASSES are talking about whether they should disssolve the adoption by locking up their purchases! makes me want to vomit
DeleteAwesome post! Please keep putting your thoughts out there. Your voice needs to be heard. I live in ground zero for A.S.S.es, and the word about the evangelical Xtian crusade to adopt all the brown babies for Jesus must be brought to light and stopped.
ReplyDeleteAnd shrill! Screw that. Not shrill. That's just name-calling meant to silence. It's just your voice- keep using it.
The voices for adoption reform would not be so "shrill" if more people would get on board for adoption reform and adult adoptee rights. In most of the United States, adult adoptees have no access to the original document that records their own birth. This is blatant discrimination, yet many accept it as the status quo. In New Jersey, a group has been lobbying for an adult adoptee rights bill for 30 years now, only to be blocked every legislative cycle by backroom deals brokered by monied and powerful lobbies. How long can people who are excluded from knowing their own history be expected to be patient and polite? If it takes the "shrill" voices to make people take notice, then so be it. No social justice has ever been achieved without them.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Susan. And not just in NJ. I wonder how we can all mobilize and get this done, once and for all. Check out: http://www.adopteerightscoalition.com/
DeleteAnd if you know people in Ohio, please let them know:
http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2013/01/27/push-on-to-open-up-old-records.html
LJ,
ReplyDeleteI LOVED your diagnosis!! I think the best medicine is for all of us to keep talking - being shrill, polite, whatever keeps us getting heard. They've been misdiagnosed for far too long and WE suffer for it.
There's so much work to do in adoption reform, but first they need to open their ears!
Not all adoptees feel this way. Yes, some do. But some don't. You are generalizing. Some parents suck. Some parents with biological children suck. Some parents with adopted children suck. Parents need to listen and honor their children's feelings. All children need to be heard. Not just adopted children. I think if you could somehow think about this from a broader perspective, you'd see that you have more in common with people than you think. The issues you describe (especially bullying and racism) happen all over this country every single day. You are not alone. All you are doing is alienating good-hearted people. There are lot worse people in this world who need to get a beat down. Adoptive parents deserve a little better than this. Have you read the newspaper lately??
ReplyDeleteWhat do lesbians do if they want to have children? Do they "buy" babies when they adopt? Do they "buy" babies through egg donors and the doctors that perform these procedures? What do you think it's like to be the child of a gay couple who had a child this way? Do you think it's easy? How do you think these kids feel? Is the "system" wrong for them too?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteExactly. The writer is just very angry and bitter. She probably would be even if not adopted. Or she uses adopted as an excuse. I hope that she is getting some mental health assistance.
Deletelori jane,
ReplyDeletei think your posts about A.S.S. are heatfelt and authentic. thank you for posting and for asking people to think about their privilege in ciritcal ways.
<3 e.shor
Elsewhere Martin Luther King was invoked concerning this post. I posted there, and post back here as well:
ReplyDeleteMartin Luther King is a perfect example, but not in the way he is portrayed. Because as soon as the powers-that-be decided that he was the one they could "speak with", it split the civil rights movement and divided those fighting for their civil rights into camps that still exist today. In the end, MLK paid for this with his life, just as much as Malcolm X did. If I had to quote someone, it would be Malcolm X, who understood what it would mean to be a part of what had set out to destroy him. All of those who shared the stage with MLK—Andrew Young, Jesse Jackson, etc.—became nothing if not parrots of the dominant discourse destroying their neighborhoods and people. But they were at the table. Mission accomplished?
We see the same thing in adoption discussions. Who are the "good" adoptees, and who are the "bad"? Who are the ones we can speak with, and who are the ones we don't mention because they are too "radical", or too "angry"? There is now a "too angry" in our ranks, and there is a "too radical", and all I can think is: "Here we go again". Divide and conquer. There is really no point in discussing this as if it is a question of only "opinions". We are and our adoptive parents are a product of the culture and society that reflects on the large scale what these parents do on the small scale. There is a history here, and a path to follow, and a path to avoid.
To single us out as having "our own" stories is likewise to do the job of those who wish to divide us. "My own" story as an adoptee returned to his place of birth finds me in strangely familiar company with those who get that story for what they've gone through: Migrant workers, refugees, marginalized populations, etc. We need to talk to them more, and less amongst ourselves, much less to the "powers that be". We deserve more than crumbs, and we deserve more than to be adoptee house slaves. We are not alone in what we are arguing for, and we are connected to others who are displaced and dispossessed for similar economic and political reasons. This is the big picture I feel like we have to keep in mind if we are to move forward as any kind of rights movement.
I believe you added a symptom out regarding adding to the diversity and acceptance throughout the world....adding to 'diversity' is how an older white liberal couple told it to me when they tried to explain their reasons for pursuing adoption.
ReplyDeleteGood job, LoriJane. Keep on writing.
ReplyDeleteI have just read this and it's a great entry. My son's adopter's raised a white, blue eyed haired child in an upper middle class area so he fitted in with the right image for the area. However I can see some of these traits in them. They are nice people but they were completely unable to deal with my son. They were / are 'blind' to his obvious issues with adoptions, made excuses for his behaviour, couldn't understand why he behaved the way he did and thought chucking money at him would solve the problem. It took reunion for them to wake up to themselves although they still don't fully understand as their friends adopted children don't behave like him. They came close to completely disowning him due to his behaviour towards us.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is sad and I feel sorry for you. I hope that you find an answer to your bitterness and anger. I also see that many are as angry and bitter as you are. Being a lesbian will not replace the mother who gave you up for adoption.
ReplyDeleteWhy not go back to your home country? Maybe you will be happier there. I hope that your adoptive family has cut all ties with you if you treat them as you sound. Why should they tolerate that?
Many use adoption as an excuse for bad behavior and no effort to make their lives better. I hope that you are not one of them. Only you can make you rlife better.
I know that it's been a week since you posted and you likely won't ever come back to this site to read this...but I feel a need to respond to you. Let me introduce myself, my name is Kathleen and I am Lori's cousin because of her adoption so I can assure you that her adoptive family has NOT "cut all ties" with her.
DeleteNow where exactly to start? Here's the thing: you (who didn't even bother to include a name and just posted yourself as anonymous when Lori actually puts a face and a name to what she says) have NO knowledge of who she is or what she has experienced in her life. Reality is....maybe she does come across as bitter and angry - but knowing what I know about her life story - she has a right to be. AND she is working through that - can you say the same thing? Why would you think that her sexual orientation has anything to do with her mother who gave her up for adoption. It is what it is - and it is a part of who she is.
And FYI: she has gone back to her home country for a relatively long period of time. She has worked hard to learn the language that she once knew almost instinctively.
This is an incredible woman - who has worked hard throughout her life first to try and "fit in" with what she felt she had to be and now is trying to figure out just who she exactly is. That takes time and I applaud her for not only being willing to take the time but for her willingness to share the journey with others.
I can't say that I always understand everything that she posts - or even 100% agree with it. But, well, I guess I'm looking at it through a different lens than you are. I am proud of Lori and VERY proud to call her my cousin.
ASS+HALO= ASSHALO
ReplyDeleteworks for me
First, love the post, love the tone, love your honesty, love the sarcastic wit. Love it.
ReplyDeleteSecond, (in regards to Anon poster 2/14 @4:04 am) " Being a lesbian will not replace the mother who gave you up for adoption." --WHAT IN THE HELL???
This is a very interesting post. The tone is intentionally provocative. I guess that's why comments can be so heated. For me, calling this set of thoughts "a syndrome" is provocative though not accurate. I am sure the author knows why she chose this way of expressing her opinion. It is not about people, it's about representations. Those representations are misleading, and have to be corrected. Because they are deeply harmful for the adoptees and it leads to social injustice. As an adoptee subjected to abuse, I think the author points out perfectly the problem. However, I am also aware that this kind of speech ('You should be happy because you were saved' 'Your parents are probably great persons for what they did' and so on..) were the only speeches I heard when I was young. They are misleading to adopters AND adoptees. I am quite positive that these representations can be corrected in the long run, because a generation of adoptees are now grown-ups and can voice their various experiences. My point is : it is no use to attack each other personally. Working to change these representations will eventually change this situation.
ReplyDelete-Leeloo