This is an unbelievable time in life where I check my email, and sometimes I get a letter from a biological family member who is eager to meet me. I recieved a long letter and two photos from my older sister. I want to meet my sister at this place in her letter: "As thinking that there is my real sister in this world, I feel like I'm not alone anymore. Even though we use different language and haven't even met each other, I feel like that only because of the fact that you're there."
Below is my response to her. As the translation of my sister's words put it, "I hope my real heart can reach to you ".
I am so grateful for your letter, and your courage to tell me our family's story. I want to know the truth, even if it is complicated and painful.
I feel deeply impacted by the realization that our lives have reflected the others without us ever knowing. While I was swept away by the currents of tumultuous times in our parent's marriage, you were stuck living in the center of the storm. I am wishing more than ever that we had each other during our lonely childhoods, even if that meant you teased me on occasion, as is the duty of older sisters. I want to believe that we are both older and wiser these days, and we can help one another as I build build a relationship with our family, which may bring up painful experiences from the past.
Similar to you, I also was lonely growing up, even though I did have an older sister who is the biological daughter of my adoptive parents. I, too, would talk to the sky, to stars, to God. I wanted to believe that I had a place in this world, even if nothing made sense in the world that I could touch.
Just like you, I also lived my life in pursuit of family and home, hoping to escape the difficulties of my life. I fell in love for the first time when I was 17, and have been falling in love ever since. I keep hoping that my family is just within reach, though in my eagerness to be loved, I have also been hurt along the way. If only we had eachother to talk to as we were growing up, and maybe neither of us would have felt so rushed to grow old.
I can't stop looking at your photo and the photo of my nephew. You joked that I may be cooler than you, since I have so many friends and a boyfriend. Though I am looking at the photo of you wearing sunglasses, and I think you may actually be much cooler than me. Nevertheless, I am thrilled to be your less cool, goofy little sister. Perhaps I could be the cool Korean American aunt to your adorable son?
I can't wait for our time together on Saturday, November 12th. I want to learn everything about you, my nephew, and all the stories of our family that you are willing to share with me.
Thank you for all you have done for me.
I'll leave you here with my sister's advice to me.
"The weather is very cold, please be careful not to catch a cold, and be healthy. And don't skip your meals!"